90 Best Happiest Season Quotes

If you haven’t seen Happiest Season on Hulu, you are missing out. It’s the best rom-com of the season with a great cast.

Happiest Season Review

I’m a huge fan of Clea DuVall’s work. She’s basically lesbian film royalty, so I had reasonably high expectations for Happiest Season going in knowing she was slated to direct and co-write the film. Kristen Stewart, Mackenzie Davis, Daniel Levy, and Aubrey Plaza bring the lines in this season’s hottest film.

While I enjoyed this movie, and it was heartwarming, fun, and a beautiful end to a rather lousy 2020, I’d be remiss in ignoring Harper’s problematic treatment of both Abby and Riley. The gist of the story is that Harper has told her parents (the previous summer) that she and Abby are dating and they were happy for her. Fast forward to bringing home Abby for the holidays and it turns out that was a lie—her parents believe they are only roommates and she’s bringing Abby home for the holidays because she is an orphan (true) and has nowhere else to go for the holidays (false). She also hasn’t told them that Abby is gay. So let’s start here as a basis of Harper’s problematic behavior.

Let’s set the record straight (pun intended?). As a bi woman, I’m by no means suggesting that there are rules to how and when Harper decides to come out to her family or to anyone. The snag with the script is that there is no distinction between Harper not having yet come out and her poor treatment of Abby (and Riley). They are truly two separate issues and by not addressing them as such, the writers are not only disempowering Harper, but also others who are maybe struggling to come out.

Harper struggling with coming out did not make her:

send Abby to the mall with her awful sister
text Abby to come hang out at the bar and proceed to ignore her while she drank with her ex-boyfriend
make her tell Abby she was “suffocating” her

As Dan Levy’s character John says later on in the movie, Harper not coming out isn’t about Abby, even though she made it feel that way. “And then once you say those words, you can’t unsay them. Everybody’s story is different. There’s your version and my version and everything in between.” The closet is a safe space—much like Pandora’s box, once you open it, there’s no going back. But not being unsure of the support you’ll get when you open that closet door does not give you free rein to treat people like crap; that’s a YOU problem.

However, none of that is addressed. Harper’s poor behavior all just gets excused when she is outed by Sloane, and that’s problematic to me. Should we make a list of the hellacious things Harper’s done we know about?

Harper outing Riley when they were in high school (and then abandoning her)
Harper repeating that with Abby at the white elephant party
the horrible ways Harper treated Abby along the way we saw in the movie
plus the above-mentioned mall/drinking with ex/”suffocating” fight

It’s almost like she’s being gaslit by Harper. It’s bizarre how all of the outing and poor behavior just disappears.

But let’s step back to an earlier moment in the film when we meet Riley, Harper’s ex. Could I be biased because I think Aubrey Plaza can do no wrong in anything she does? Maybe, but I truly believe she’s that fantastic.

Riley is another of Harper’s victims of transgressions, and she and Abby seem like they should be a great couple, even if their chemistry/connection is nothing more than commiseration at the start. Riley is also able to connect to Abby in her queerness, bringing her to a drag show at an LGBTQ bar to just chill and enjoy the night without the pressure of Harper’s world, a scene in which we see Abby feeling comfortable in her own skin for the first time since the opening of the movie.

I say all this, but still really appreciated the movie overall. I just wanted more—more and better for the LGBTQ community. I’m hoping this opens the door for more diverse stories.

Happiest Season Music

Also, if you’re looking for an incredible soundtrack, check out the vibes this one is putting out.

90 Best Happiest Season Quotes

We’ve curated a list of the 90 best quotes from Happiest Season!

Come with me to my parents’ house for Christmas. –Harper

I want to wake up with you Christmas morning. –Abby

I just woke up thinking about going home with you and I got really excited about Christmas. –Abby

HAPPIEST SEASON, from left: Kristen Stewart, Mackenzie Davis, 2020. ph: Lacey Terrell / © Hulu / Courtesy Everett Collection

I get to meet the people that made my favorite person. –Abby

I left a gentleman in my apartment, I’m tracking him to make sure he leaves. –John

I track everybody. If the NSA can do it, so can I. –John

I love champagne. –John

You and Harper have a perfect relationship. Why do you want to ruin that by engaging in one of the most archaic institutions in the history of the human race? –John

Okay, you say that, but what you are actually doing is tricking the woman you claim to love by trapping her in a box of heteronormativity and trying to make her your property. –John

She is not a rice cooker. Or a cake plate. –John

She is my person, and I really want everyone to know that. I want to marry her. –Abby

I suppose that’s one way of looking at it. –John

I’m sorry…ask her dad for his blessing? Way to stick it to the patriarchy. –John

You can’t go over a year without meeting your significant other’s parents. Trust me, I have tried. –John

Have they ever met a lesbian? –John

Also, a fact you don’t know about me. I’m actually very good with parents. –Abby

Do you remember this summer when I came out to my parents and told them we were together and they took it really well? Well, that wasn’t entirely accurate… –Harper

I got carried away, and it’s because I love you and want to give you a really great Christmas. –Harper
You’re off to a really great start. –Abby

Should I have some kind of cover story? –Harper

They don’t think it’s weird you are bringing your roommate home for Christmas? –Abby

Just be yourself. But don’t lie. You’re a very bad liar. –Harper

Your mother’s going viral. –Tipper

Did you bring concealer? –Tipper

I asked you not to do that –Haper
I know, but I didn’t listen. –Jane

I wish my daughters had bothered to learn to play it. –Tipper
I took lessons for 8 years… –Jane

This is Harper’s orphan friend, Abby. –Tipper

I just went through a breakup, he was a milk…man… –Abby

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Better than your room at the orphanage? –Tipper
I was never in an orphanage, I was 19. –Abby
Oh, one of the lucky ones. –Tipper
Well… –Abby

I would never ask two grown women to share the same bed. –Tipper

Orphan roommate. We, I am an orphan. But we live together. As friends. Like acquaintances. –Abby

So her parents believe that their straight daughter brought home her lesbian friend for Christmas? –John

I want you to break out of that closet. –John

Maybe one of your exes will bring out dessert? –Abby

Do you think they like me as much as they love Conner? –Abby
No, no… but they don’t even like me that much… –Harper

This is why I avoid Christmas. It brings out the worst in everything. –Abby

Just taking a break from diagnosing everyone’s mystery illnesses. –Riley

Abby, what are you doing in the closet? –Tipper

I once took too many Ambian and bought a racehorse online. –Tipper

That’s two more people on the guest list, I basically have to reimagine the entire party. –Tipper

Snowman pancakes. That’s a lot of work for something that turns to shit. Oh but that’s kinda like your law degree. –Harper

It is crucial we take the family holiday photo for the Instagram tonight, so don’t wear anything that will strobe. –Tipper

Ted, the holiday family photo is an essential element of every candidate’s feed. And if we cannot manage to post one, we do not deserve to have that account at all. –Tipper

Gwynne seems to think so. Goop picked us up and sales have been through the roof ever since. –Sloane

Okay, so I might have been a little judgmental when we last spoke. You are in an unusual situation, and as your friend, I should have created a safe space for you to share without the threat of criticism. So, I’m sorry. I am here, no judgment. What is going on? –John

Have you managed to get a man’s permission to take ownership of an adult, human woman yet? –John

Yeah, I mean, there’s nothing more erotic than concealing your authentic selves! –John

You deserve to be with someone who shouts their love for you from the rooftops! –John

You know I’m glad I ran into you. I’m having this thing where if I stick my finger in my eye, it like, really hurts. –Abby
Yeah, I mean, that’s a classic case of um, Contact Stupiditis because it’s a stupid thing to do. –Riley

I’d really like to drink some alcohol. –Abby

The thing that I can relate to is being in love with somebody that is too afraid to show the world who they are. –Riley

I just couldn’t be with someone who is too afraid to show the world who they are. –Abby

I’m suffocating you? Oh, I feel really suffocated in the closet you shoved me back into! –Abby

I saw two of their cousins get into a fistfight over a quesadilla maker at this party once. –Riley

Oh do not put that there, what do you think this is, a barn party? –Tipper

Jesus Abby, where do you think it goes? Under the damn tree. I’m sorry, I’m sorry…you’ve probably never had a tree. –Tipper

I can’t find my Christmas Broach–have you seen it? You can tell me, I won’t be mad. I just want to know it’s safe. –Tipper

What are you drinking? –Riley
It’s a spiced- alcohol. –Abby
Gross, can I have some? –Riley

So bad for them that I eventually just murdered them. –Riley
Sounds fun. –Abby

When are you going to get this? I. Have. Been. Tracking. You. –John

Thankyousomuch. –John

I nailed that. And she is fabulous. –John

Do you know how painful it’s been to watch the person I love to hide me? –Abby

I am not hiding you, I am hiding me. –Harper

I am scared to tell them who I am I will lose them. And I know if I don’t tell them, I will lose you. –Harper

I don’t want to lose you. –Harper

I guess I’m not the only one with a secret. –Harper

I put 100 hours into that painting and you destroyed it like it was nothing. –Jane

You just destroyed it like it was nothing. It was something. And guess what? I like myself. –Jane

We have been so worried about seeming perfect, but maybe we don’t even know what perfect is. We have one daughter who has been unhappy in a marriage and felt like she couldn’t tell us! And another daughter who just had her heartbroken because she was afraid we wouldn’t love her if she told us the truth. And the only reason that Jane is okay is because we gave up on her after she wouldn’t stop biting in preschool. That is very far from perfect if you ask me. –Tipper

I was so scared you would find out I wasn’t who you wanted me to be. –Harper

We’ve spent our entire lives trying to earn your love and I am done too. –Sloane

I don’t have any secrets but I am an ally. –Jane

Harper not coming out to her parents has nothing to do with you. –John

I want to be with someone who is ready. –Abby

Everybody’s story is different. There’s your version and my version and everything in between. –John

And then once you say those words, you can’t unsay them. –John

A chapter has ended and a new one begun and you have to be ready for that. You cant do it for anybody else. –John

Just because Harper isn’t ready, doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you. –John

I tracked you; John taught me. –Harper

My parents loved Christmas. The holidays were just a huge reminder of them not being here. –Abby

You are my family. –Harper

If I have you, that’s all I need. –Harper

About Happiest Season

Meeting your girlfriend’s family for the first time can be tough. Planning to propose at her family’s annual Christmas dinner—until you realize that they don’t even know she’s gay—is even harder. When Abby (Kristen Stewart) learns that Harper (Mackenzie Davis) has kept their relationship a secret from her family, she begins to question the girlfriend she thought she knew. Happiest Season is a holiday romantic comedy that hilariously captures the range of emotions tied to wanting your family’s acceptance, being true to yourself, and trying not to ruin Christmas.

Directed by Clea DuVall. Screenplay by Clea DuVall & Mary Holland. Story by Clea DuVall. Produced by Marty Bowen and Isaac Klausner. Wyck Godfrey and Jonathan McCoy serve as executive producers. The film stars Kristen Stewart, Mackenzie Davis, Alison Brie, Aubrey Plaza, Daniel Levy, Mary Holland, Burl Moseley, Victor Garber, and Mary Steenburgen.

Check out The Christmas Chronicles 2 Best Quotes and Movie Review

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Jana

Jana Seitzer is a writer, traveler, podcaster, and geek. Although well-versed in many fictional universes, Star Wars & Marvel have always been her favorites.

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